Computer (Car?) Illiterate People...

Here's a post I found on rec.humor.funny. If you thought people were stupid about using computers, just imagine the same sort of brains applied to cars.

Message-ID: <>
Date: Mon, 3 Oct 94 19:30:03 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: (Michael Edward Chastain)
Subject: Transcripts from the General Motors help line
Keywords: original, chuckle, computers
Lines: 68

[This is original.  I made it up myself.]

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how
to drive.  Imagine if they did ...

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!" HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" Customer: "What's an ignition?" HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!" HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?" HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you." Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Your cars suck!" HelpLine: "What's wrong?" Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!" HelpLine: "What were you doing?" Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now! HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" Customer: "How do I work it?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "Do I know how to what?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"
Michael Chastain -- Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to instead.

There's a Second Computer Help Line article like this, too.
Last updated: Thu Dec 15 10:14:08 EST 1994 by Alan DeKok