Date: Tue, 11 Oct 94 19:57:24 -0500 From: Usenet Oracle
Subject: Usenet Oracularity #682-06 Selected-By: firstname.lastname@example.org (David Sewell)
> Oracle most wise, > > I have three cats. Two speak normally and say 'miaow', > but the third, still a kitten, says 'miaowmaiow'. > Why is this?
} Cat translation dictionary } Volume I -- Common phrases } } compiled by T. U. Oracle } } Cat phrase Means } ========== ===== } miaow Feed me. } } meeow Pet me. } } mrooww I love you. } } Miioo-oo-oo I am in love and must meet my } betrothed outside beneath the hedge. } Don't wait up. } } mrow I feel like making noise. } } rrrow-mawww Please, the time is come to tidy } the cat box. } } rrrow-miawww I have remedied the cat box untidiness } by shoveling the contents as far out } of the box as was practical. } } miaowmiaow Play with me. } } Miaowmioaw Have you noticed the shortage of } available cat toys in this room? } } mioawmioaw Since I can find nothing better to } play with, I shall see what happens } when I sharpen my claws on this } handy piece of furniture. } } raowwwww I think I shall now spend time } licking the most private parts } of my anatomy. } } mrowwwww I am now recalling, with } sorrow, that some of my private } parts did not return with me } from that visit to the vet. } } Roww-maww-roww I am so glad to see that you have } returned home with both arms full } of groceries. I will now rub myself } against your legs and attempt to } trip you as you walk towards the } kitchen. } } gakk-ak-ak My digestive passages seem to have } formed a hairball. Wherever could } this have come from? I shall leave } it here upon the carpeting. } } mow Snuggling is a good idea. } } moww Shedding is pretty good, too. } } mowww! I was enjoying snuggling and shedding } in the warm clean laundry until you } removed me so unkindly. } } Miaow! Miaow! I have discovered that, although one } may be able to wedge his body through } the gap behind the stove and into that } little drawer filled with pots and pans, } the reverse path is slightly more } difficult to navigate. } } Mraakk! Oh, small bird! Please come over here. } } ssssRoww! I believe that I have found a } woodchuck or similar animal. } } mmmrowmmm It is certain that the best tasting } fish is one you have caught yourself. } } mmmmmmm If I sit in the sunshine for another } hour or so, I think I shall be } satisfied. } } Mreoaw Please ask room service to send up } another can of tunafish. } } Mreeeow Do you serve catnip with that? } } mroow I have forced my body into a tiny } space in order to look cute. } How'm I doin? } } Miaooww! Mriaow! Since you are using the can opener, } I am certain that you understand the } value of a well-fed and pampered } cat. Please continue. } } As you can see, it may take years of practice to be able to accurately } distinguish some of these forms. } } You owe the Oracle a can opener that doesn't require an opposable } thumb.