I for one, must agree with the various secular humanists that say that Xmas is just fine at the level of commercialism/materialism. They are right — Xmas is not a celebration of the birth of Christ. The Christ Mass might be, but I think that Christ was born in July.

Here is the thing – people who want to celebrate the birth of “the saviour” should do it in July. December 25th is really just a 4th day of celebrations of the Pagan solstice. It’s a festival of light — these days, that means a festival of electricity — in which we celebrate how much materialistic power we have.

This really solves a lot of problems — the last two weeks of the year no longer belong to any one religion. Everyone can be materialistic (which, btw, is probably equally a sin in every religion, so everyone is equal).

No more politically correctness about “Seasons’ Greetings” or “Happy Holiday” (apparently, that’s no longer kosher, because not everyone gets a holiday). It’s just “Merry Xmas” (Pronounced ex-Mas. As in formerly from Massachusetts). If that’s not enough, you can always add: “Party-on Hoser!”

Just remember that the catholic church isn’t the only one who can appropriate pagan rituals. Me, on this first day of Hannukah, I’ve just finished putting up my festive Hannukah Bush. At sunset, I will plug the nifty-cool LED string in, and say my Baruch Ata Adonai.